


And Rain Will Still Fall

by LovelyLessie



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gen, Introspection, Other, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 06:05:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/846168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyLessie/pseuds/LovelyLessie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the death of her best friend, Hitomi Shizuki tries to cope in a world without her. (Commission piece.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Rain Will Still Fall

 It's storming outside – sky dark with heavy clouds, rain pouring down in sheets, wind howling around the shelter. The windows are obscured so completely by the rain that only the vague shadows of trees are visible outside, and even though the storm is only supposed to hit the city, when thunder cracks it sounds as if it's right overhead.

Inside, everyone is speaking in hushed voices, but it's still too loud and too busy for you to bear, so you slip away into the corridor where the noise of people moving about in the main room becomes a quiet murmur through the walls. Without everyone's shared heat filling the space, the hallway is cold, but you can't bring yourself to care. You sit down with your back to the wall, watching the rain through the windows, wrapping your arms around your knees to keep from shivering.

Two weeks ago, you had two best friends and they would have sat beside you, would have huddles close against you to stay warm together.

The tears come to your eyes against your will, and you bury your face in your hands.

* * * 

You aren't too concerned when she doesn't come to school one day, but when it's two days in a row, you start to get worried. She's one of your best friends, and you like to think she would tell you if she knew she would be out for a few days.

“I hope she isn't angry at me,” you tell Madoka during break. “Would she really stop being friends with me because of Kyousuke?”

“I don't think so,” she says, but she doesn't sound very sure. “She didn't tell me anything, either, you know. Don't worry so much about it, Hitomi.”

You nod and will yourself to smile. Everything will be fine. Of course it will.

On the news that night, you find out that she's missing, and it knocks your feet out from under you. She and Madoka are closer than either is to you, but she's your best friend just like Madoka is, and imagining life without her is impossible. Even if you could picture a future that didn't include her, you don't want to. God, you don't want to even think about it.

“They'll find her,” you whisper to yourself later, lying in bed and wringing the sheets in your hands. “They have to find her.”

* * *

You cry into your hands until the tears just stop coming, and it leaves you drained and hollow; all the emotion you had in you is in a puddle on the floor, and you can't feel much of anything anymore. It's been like this since the service, mostly: a horrible emptiness in your chest, interrupted by bouts of sobbing when the sadness suddenly hits you and, for a few minutes, overwhelms you.

It hasn't stopped raining since she died.

You still can't believe she's gone, for real, for good. You stood in the downpour at her funeral, listened to her family and friends speak about her, watched them put her lifeless body in the ground, and you still can't believe she's dead.

She was your best friend, and the last time you spoke to her it was to tell her you were going to ask out the boy she loved, and now you'll never be able to tell her you're sorry.

With a shaky sigh, you lift your head and prop your chin on your knees, looking up at the rain pounding down on the shelter. This might have been fun if she was here. When you close your eyes, you can remember other stormy days like this, spent with her: running home in the rain with her and Madoka, all three of of you laughing and shrieking in the downpour; getting caught in a shower downtown and ducking into the tea shop to stay dry; sitting on your bed, or hers, or Madoka's and talking while rain lashed at the windows.

If she was here, the three of you could sit up on the stairs and listen to the rain, and when you shivered she would put her arms around you and bury her face in your neck, laughing, while Madoka leaned against you on the other side.

Instead, you sit curled up in the hallway, cold and sad and very, very alone.

For a moment, you consider going inside to find Kyousuke, but you know it won't make you feel any better. He's beautiful, and kind, and he does care about you, but he isn't Sayaka, and right now, all you want is her, here, alive.

* * * 

They're searching for two weeks before they find her.

You hear it on the radio, when you're getting ready for school, and at first you can't even understand what you're hearing. You walk through the rest of the morning in a daze. When you meet Madoka on the way to school, you can't speak to greet her.

You don't cry. Not yet. Not when you hear other people whispering in hushed voices that they heard. Not when Ms Saotome comes in and announces sadly that Sayaka is no longer among the students. Not when your whole year is called to an assembly to talk about it. Other people cry, some silently, some wailing and sobbing, but you don't. Maybe you should, you think, but all you can do is stare blankly.

After school, for the first time since you can remember, you go directly home. You can't go to all your clubs and lessons. Not after this.

It's not until a few days later at the funeral service that you finally do cry. You don't know what it is – hearing everyone make tearful speeches about her, or seeing her still white face and her small, stiff body, or looking at the display of flowers and happy photographs at the altar – but suddenly there are hot tears pouring down your cheeks and mixing with the rain on your face. You cover your mouth with both hands as you watch them close the coffin and lower her into the grave.

That's Sayaka Miki they're burying. That's your friend.

 _Please, don't,_ you want to shout, but your voice is stuck somewhere in your tight throat. _Please don't take her away from me._

* * *

Madoka comes and finds you in the hall, eventually. “Hi, Hitomi,” she says quietly.

“Hi, Madoka,” you reply without looking up.

She doesn't say anything, but she sits down beside you and leans her head on your shoulder. For a moment, you're both silent, and then you start to cry again, sobs shaking your shoulders. You turn to her and she opens her arms to hold you.

“I miss her,” you choke out, trying desperately to wipe the tears out of your eyes. “I miss Sayaka!”

“I know,” she says, patting your back. “Me too, Hitomi, I miss her too.”

You sit up, still pawing at your face with both hands against too many tears to fight back. “Why did she have to die?” you mumble, hiccuping a little. “Why did she run away? Why didn't she _talk_ to us?”

Madoka is biting her lip, looking at the floor. “I don't know,” she says in a tiny voice. “I tried to help, but it wasn't enough.”

“I should have been there,” you whisper. “I should have helped, too. But I was always so busy, and now--”

“Shh,” she says, and helps wipe your cheeks with her sleeve. “She – Hitomi, I think she would have wanted you to be happy, you and Kyousuke.” She looks down at the floor. “She wanted all of us to be happy, I know that. There's nothing more she would have wished for, do you understand? She always wanted her friends...to be happy...”

She trails off, hunching her shoulders. You nod, gulping back another sob. “You're right,” you agree. “It's just – the last time I talked to her – the last thing I said to her was that I wanted to confess my feelings for Kyousuke, and now I'm not even sure what they _are_ anymore, and whatever she said it must have hurt her, and – and – and -”

“I'm sorry,” she says, and pulls you into a hug. “I'm sorry.”

“I loved her,” you mumble into her shoulder. “I never told her – I never knew, not until it was too late to say it. But I loved her. God, I loved her.”

You fall silent and wrap your arms around her, and she holds you, and the two of you sit in silence listening to the storm for a long time. 


End file.
